Guess Who?

People Don't Know What Nazi Means.

You're the red, white, and blue. The funny things you do-America, America, this is you!

What is up with people forgetting that everyone has access to the internet now? Many years ago your friend could tell you something like "You know the guy who played the Dad on Family Ties raped like 40 women." And, to be fair you'd probably be like "That might not be true, I wish there was some fast easy way to verify this fact, but there isn't so I guess we'll never know." Guess what dummies? We can all wiki Nazi's. The limits of of knowing you are dumb is just a click a way only burdened by a poor connection speed. Click. You are dumb.

Listen, I don't love Obama's health care plan, but I also don't hate it....I know I'm slipping. It's fine-ish, and won't pass anyway, so who give s a fudge. I also think Barney Frank is a bit of a turd, but seriously girl who printed a picture of Obama out on her HP Laserjet (she has a computer!) and then drew a Hitler mustache on it....give us all a huge break. Puhleeeze. That picture is like the 9/11 of Hitler pictures (See, I did what she did!) Plus what are her politics? She really did skewer him by having no point of view but just using the word "Nazi." What does that mean? You think the program is Socialist? Um, OK, it's definitely not, but whatevs...do you think that deep down Obama is Anti-communist and that it will allow people who don't have America's best interest at heart to get health care thereby weakening the country? Oh, you didn't really think about it? That's weird, you seemed so prepared to debate If you did believe that you would be a really bad person-just letting you know. Oh also George W. Bush wasn't a Nazi either...his grandfather was, he was just dumb.

I Am Partially Responsible For This.

At my good friend Lauren's birthday party last year I spent some time with the above gentleman who told me of his upcoming appearance on Jeopardy and his desire to write his name in the shape of a penis but was having little to no luck in the design.  My reply was, "Oh you are in good hands my friend as I have a very keen ability to turn almost anything into a penis."  And turn it I did.  My bar napkin sketch made it on national TV and prouder I could not be.  Guess what folks, he took this concept and ran with it.  He basically became a professor of amazing hilarity at Super Funny University when he was announced  as a "self proclaimed gadabout" wore an ascot and kept winking at the camera.  Genius, thy name is John Munson.   God truly don't make no junk.  Watch some highlights here and the whole episode here.

If you want a word turned into a penis come out to the free show tonight at Glasslands and I'll be happy to oblige.  

p.s. John once told me he went to a Great Gatsby themed party (no surprise there) and was served drinks on the back of a sea turtle (surprise).  Moral is...the rich are better than us.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

Ok you guys, I know what you're going to say.  It's been a long time since I blogged and rolled or whatever but listen I can't force magic to happen.  Magic is as magic does and so on and so forth.  I just try and capture that magic in a bottle and then drink it down and let it pour through my fingers for my loyal fans.   The thing is Magic doesn't come around as much anymore and when he does he usually just needs money.  These are tough times for everybody so don't judge Magic too harshly, plus he has AIDS. BOOM! Nailed it! Ugh...see what I mean? This blogging thing just isn't working out for me lately.

Here's what's been happening.  We've played a few shows that have been fairly demoralizing.  For example we played for free at the really lovely Music Hall of Williamsburg with our good buds Love as Laughter.  As you can see above they misspelled our name on the marquee to make us sound homophobic or like a shitty 90's band (same thing) and then pointed to the sign below and sent us around the back (although Dils didn't see the sign and went through he front door making him basically the Rosa Parks of hippies.)  This whole event sent the entire band into a deep drug bender shame spiral which lasted through the entire week to our next show at the decidedly unlovely Don Pedro's where we truly fell apart and Dan Mitha went missing for 3 days.  We finally found him passed out in front of an abandoned Wu- Wear store in Staten Island.  The whole thing was a mess...we need to regroup people and regroup we will!

We are getting back on the excellence horse this Thursday with forever buds Children at Glasslands for FREE!  Colt 45 you fucking idiots. 

WED AUG 10TH!

LULLABY ARKESTRA

CHILDREN

VIOLENT BULLSHIT

Free entry and free delicious and culturally responsible Colt .45!  I'll bet the CEO of Colt 45 curated this line up himself.  I think is name is Terrible P. Murder. RSVP here!

Violent Bullbrunch

In the spirit of the classic hardcore matinees we will be playing too early on Sunday with a ton of other bands. The difference between this show and an abcnorio show is that the bathrooms are pretty clean, you can definitely drink, and homophobia and racism are encouraged. Well not encouraged, but you know what I mean. Like don't do that stuff but I'm not gonna tell you to not do it, get it? Free will etc, etc.? Sheesh anarchy has sooo many rules. Who knew?

HARDCORE HANGOVER MATINEE BRUNCH 
with:
VIOLENT BULLSHIT
BATTLETORN
RED DAWN II
BROCCOLI DESTROYER
WHOARFROST
BEEHIVE FUCKER
GROCERY THIEF
2PM

Bloody Mary's! Bloody Pits! Put an egg on on lunch food! IT"S BRUUUUNCH!!!

Get the Greeniston

Our show at Death By Chocolate with Children and Bison was reviewed in the WG Arts and Farts Magazine.  Prestigious I know, but the real news is that my hair was compared (in quality-not cut) to Jennifer Brangelinston.  Above I posted a recent photo of me for you to compare...I just don't see it.

Read about it here.  

I don't know who you are Phillipe but consider yourself on "The Shitlist" (which is a good thing-like permanent guest list for buddies, but since we have "shit" in our name I just thought it was clever if...aww forget it.)

What Me Post-y?

"So where have you been?" you might be asking.  "You type a crazy rant about Joe Rogan and then disappear for a month? How does that make us feel, as loyal and avid readers of this blarg?"

Well, first of all it's spelled "blog" though it is pronounced "blarg."  Second-well there is no second.  I just didn't feel like it ok?  I had my birthday, and you only turn 21 once so there has been lots o' celebrating.  We played some shows with some pretty sweet bands and we were totally awesome.  Also we are saving up our wisecracks for the FEAR show next week.  Oh brother is that ever gonna be ridiculous.  I know saying that we are excited to play with FEAR basically a headline of "No Shit Magazine," but oh my blog you guys -it's sooo awesome!  

Anyway, sorry so short.  We miss you too and we're sorry for sending you text messages at 3:30 am that say "u still out?"   We're working on that.

Love,

Violent Bullshit