Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

People Don't Know What Nazi Means.

You're the red, white, and blue. The funny things you do-America, America, this is you!

What is up with people forgetting that everyone has access to the internet now? Many years ago your friend could tell you something like "You know the guy who played the Dad on Family Ties raped like 40 women." And, to be fair you'd probably be like "That might not be true, I wish there was some fast easy way to verify this fact, but there isn't so I guess we'll never know." Guess what dummies? We can all wiki Nazi's. The limits of of knowing you are dumb is just a click a way only burdened by a poor connection speed. Click. You are dumb.

Listen, I don't love Obama's health care plan, but I also don't hate it....I know I'm slipping. It's fine-ish, and won't pass anyway, so who give s a fudge. I also think Barney Frank is a bit of a turd, but seriously girl who printed a picture of Obama out on her HP Laserjet (she has a computer!) and then drew a Hitler mustache on it....give us all a huge break. Puhleeeze. That picture is like the 9/11 of Hitler pictures (See, I did what she did!) Plus what are her politics? She really did skewer him by having no point of view but just using the word "Nazi." What does that mean? You think the program is Socialist? Um, OK, it's definitely not, but you think that deep down Obama is Anti-communist and that it will allow people who don't have America's best interest at heart to get health care thereby weakening the country? Oh, you didn't really think about it? That's weird, you seemed so prepared to debate If you did believe that you would be a really bad person-just letting you know. Oh also George W. Bush wasn't a Nazi either...his grandfather was, he was just dumb.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Am Partially Responsible For This.

At my good friend Lauren's birthday party last year I spent some time with the above gentleman who told me of his upcoming appearance on Jeopardy and his desire to write his name in the shape of a penis but was having little to no luck in the design.  My reply was, "Oh you are in good hands my friend as I have a very keen ability to turn almost anything into a penis."  And turn it I did.  My bar napkin sketch made it on national TV and prouder I could not be.  Guess what folks, he took this concept and ran with it.  He basically became a professor of amazing hilarity at Super Funny University when he was announced  as a "self proclaimed gadabout" wore an ascot and kept winking at the camera.  Genius, thy name is John Munson.   God truly don't make no junk.  Watch some highlights here and the whole episode here.

If you want a word turned into a penis come out to the free show tonight at Glasslands and I'll be happy to oblige.  

p.s. John once told me he went to a Great Gatsby themed party (no surprise there) and was served drinks on the back of a sea turtle (surprise).  Moral is...the rich are better than us.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

Ok you guys, I know what you're going to say.  It's been a long time since I blogged and rolled or whatever but listen I can't force magic to happen.  Magic is as magic does and so on and so forth.  I just try and capture that magic in a bottle and then drink it down and let it pour through my fingers for my loyal fans.   The thing is Magic doesn't come around as much anymore and when he does he usually just needs money.  These are tough times for everybody so don't judge Magic too harshly, plus he has AIDS. BOOM! Nailed it! Ugh...see what I mean? This blogging thing just isn't working out for me lately.

Here's what's been happening.  We've played a few shows that have been fairly demoralizing.  For example we played for free at the really lovely Music Hall of Williamsburg with our good buds Love as Laughter.  As you can see above they misspelled our name on the marquee to make us sound homophobic or like a shitty 90's band (same thing) and then pointed to the sign below and sent us around the back (although Dils didn't see the sign and went through he front door making him basically the Rosa Parks of hippies.)  This whole event sent the entire band into a deep drug bender shame spiral which lasted through the entire week to our next show at the decidedly unlovely Don Pedro's where we truly fell apart and Dan Mitha went missing for 3 days.  We finally found him passed out in front of an abandoned Wu- Wear store in Staten Island.  The whole thing was a mess...we need to regroup people and regroup we will!

We are getting back on the excellence horse this Thursday with forever buds Children at Glasslands for FREE!  Colt 45 you fucking idiots. 



Free entry and free delicious and culturally responsible Colt .45!  I'll bet the CEO of Colt 45 curated this line up himself.  I think is name is Terrible P. Murder. RSVP here!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Violent Bullbrunch

In the spirit of the classic hardcore matinees we will be playing too early on Sunday with a ton of other bands. The difference between this show and an abcnorio show is that the bathrooms are pretty clean, you can definitely drink, and homophobia and racism are encouraged. Well not encouraged, but you know what I mean. Like don't do that stuff but I'm not gonna tell you to not do it, get it? Free will etc, etc.? Sheesh anarchy has sooo many rules. Who knew?


Bloody Mary's! Bloody Pits! Put an egg on on lunch food! IT"S BRUUUUNCH!!!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Get the Greeniston

Our show at Death By Chocolate with Children and Bison was reviewed in the WG Arts and Farts Magazine.  Prestigious I know, but the real news is that my hair was compared (in quality-not cut) to Jennifer Brangelinston.  Above I posted a recent photo of me for you to compare...I just don't see it.

Read about it here.  

I don't know who you are Phillipe but consider yourself on "The Shitlist" (which is a good thing-like permanent guest list for buddies, but since we have "shit" in our name I just thought it was clever if...aww forget it.)

What Me Post-y?

"So where have you been?" you might be asking.  "You type a crazy rant about Joe Rogan and then disappear for a month? How does that make us feel, as loyal and avid readers of this blarg?"

Well, first of all it's spelled "blog" though it is pronounced "blarg."  Second-well there is no second.  I just didn't feel like it ok?  I had my birthday, and you only turn 21 once so there has been lots o' celebrating.  We played some shows with some pretty sweet bands and we were totally awesome.  Also we are saving up our wisecracks for the FEAR show next week.  Oh brother is that ever gonna be ridiculous.  I know saying that we are excited to play with FEAR basically a headline of "No Shit Magazine," but oh my blog you guys -it's sooo awesome!  

Anyway, sorry so short.  We miss you too and we're sorry for sending you text messages at 3:30 am that say "u still out?"   We're working on that.

Violent Bullshit

Friday, March 20, 2009

KRS-1 : Loves Jesus, Hates Burger King

Ok, Infowars listen up.  I agree with your basic mission statement about Barack sucking, and how he is not capable of any real change because he doesn't wield any real power.  I'm not a baby, I understand how that shit works.  Basically the same as Bush? Sure he is.  In the pocket of big finance? Yup.  Fine, I'm basically on your team, crazy "documentary," but I need some convincing from people who are smarter then me.  Who ya got for me to really drive your theory home?  Oh, just a little guy we like to call Joe Rogan.  No big deal.  Yeah you know, that shitty comedian that made people eat balls on Fear Factor and promotes Axe Bodyspray to d-bags on Ultimate Fighter?  Political pundit is just on of the many hats many hats Joe Rogan wears.  Not only do you ask Joe fucking Rogan anything (already dubious) you put a soundbyte from him in THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF YOUR MOVIE!!   Whaaa? No one on this project thought that was a bad idea?  Fuck it guys, let's stick Joe "voice of a generation" Rogan right up front.   "But boss we have a really great clip of  Zizek..."  Nope sorry no time.

Then after telling us over and over again about how the President wields no power they dare to tell us who would be better in a puppet position.  Kusinich? Ron Paul?  Are you fucking kidding me??  JFK was the last "real" president?  Fuck right off you crazy retard.  I think the last real President was Martin Van Buren.  Oh wait, does that sound stupid?  That's because it IS stupid.  Spoiler alert infowars EVERY PRESIDENT SUCKS.  Liking the president is like being super in love with the police, or saying the Beatles were sucky at making music or hating fun.  It makes you an unreliable dick.  At least Loose Change was scary and insane, not just boring dads talking about how money rules the world.  Wait Whaaat? Really?  Faaaaaart.  

But seriously... Joe Rogan? Come on. 

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Body Butter

What did you say? You missed our free show at Cake Shop? You dummy. Fine, we'll play again so you can see us be awesome. It will be closer to your apartment, but this time it ain't gonna be free (sorry Fugazi). Bullshit giveth and Bullshit taketh away. 

Get ready cause we are gonna be really good. I mean REALLY good.

March 5th @ The Charleston
DESERTER (CD release-more like CDeez nutz release)
COP CITY (starring Sly Stallone)
KABUKI IRON KOLORS (name too long-or perfect length if they let us borrow gear)

Don't come if you're a bummer or ride a bike with no brakes.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

We Are Good

The show was fun.  Can you tell?  I mean these photos don't make it totally clear, but believe me when I tell you-we were sick.  So sick in fact we made $40 bucks! And got 2 free drinks!!  Momma, your baby boy has finally made it.  

We debuted some new material : "Hey, Seattle Fuck Off," "Read and Write," and "My Band Just Doesn't Understand Me."  All A+ except Seattle gets an A- cause some girl punched me and I couldn't sing for a second.  Sheesh.  Women.  Am I right guys?

Midnite Till Death put a lot of effort into making this a fun night.  They projected scenes from "Street Trash" and "Deadbeat At Dawn"-awesome...They also DJ'ed and threw T-shirts at people. Basically, if you missed this - ya blew it.  We love you, but you blew it.    

Monday, February 16, 2009

Heywood Jablome

Me so sorry I haven't posted in a while.  Things have been crazy.  I just found out a black dude is President! Wait whaaaaaaat?  It's true!  And Brett Michaels is really narrowing the field on "Rock of Love : Bang Bus."  Hey Brett is you're reading this, I like the one with all the horrifying plastic surgery.  

Soooo, to catch you up on me, Metallica was amazing, Comicon 09 was good (except the girl dressed as sexy Predator-ew), and we have a show coming up!  And this time it's gonna be good! 


Friday Feb. 20th at Cakeshop (152 Ludlow)
There's gonna be DJ's and preojections and its FREE!  Up yours Fugazi!

Friday, January 23, 2009


So, next Saturday I am going to see Metallica with some serious old buddies (oh did I mention-FRONT ROW SEATS).  Anyfart, I am pretty fucking excited about it-and apparently so is my freind Eric that I'm going with.  Here's an email I got today...

all right gentlemen… one week to go!


Here’s the plan: meet at Garlock’s at 12pm next Saturday (Jan 31st).


What to bring: cash, photo ID, warm clothes, a head that’s ready to bang and a liver that’s ready to be punished. I’ll have assorted beers and goodies as usual… if you have a METALLICA favorite that you want to help break your cherry with, bring it!


…and around 9:25pm I’ll be able to say to all to you guys: “ehhh… you broke your cherry!!!”

A-MAY-ZING.  This email did everything it was supposed to do. It was informative and got me super pumped. "bring... a head that's ready to bang and a liver that ready to be punished."  What is he? Shakespeare?  Actually fuck you Shakespeare, that sentence rules harder than anything in "Cymbaline."  (Which I a park.  So I should know).  Expect a full, detailed update post show.  I'm about to become "Unforgiven 4."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Well, it might have been vibrant...but it was definitely Bullshit!

What can we say?  Vibrant Bullshit 3 was a suckcess.  I can't believe any bar would let us play these records all night long.  It was beautiful and snowy and there was nothing more amazing than watching a bunch of dudes stand around the DJ booth going "That song is sick" and "I've got that on clear vinyl."  I can't lie, it made me happy.  I'm thinking about implementing a trivia section since that's what it kinda turns into anyway.   

We had special guests Sam Tobin (who fucking opened with "Keepin' it Real!" Ballsy.) and J. Penry (all 7"'s!) and Dils and I held down the Bullshit side.  I don't have any good pictures of Dils because I was too busy freaking out on every song he played.  Beyond? Yes please.  Citizen's Arrest?  Don't mind if I do.  Fine work all around.  In the words of Crippled Youth, "It's a positive positive positive scene." 

Friday, January 16, 2009

Vibrant Bullshit 3 : The Third One

Stagedives make us feel more alive than coded messages in slowed down songs.  Because of this totally true fact we are throwing another party.

Expect the expected-a ton of dudes listening to hardcore 7"'s.
It's gonna rip.

Violent Bullshit
J Penry
+ special gueststarz!
Sunday January 18th 

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Montage Mahal

I am not savvy enough to figure out how to post this here so I'll link it. Watch this. It has our music in it-and someone's Mom.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Wait a second Garfield...Mondays aren't so bad!

Oh brother, we are back-and this time it's a Monday.  I feel fairly confident that most of you do not have a "job" or any real "responsibilities" because you aren't "employable" due to "poor hygiene" or a "severe social disorder" so that should free up your "schedule" to come see us "play" at the Cake Shop this Monday the 12th.  Don't worry I already asked your Mom, she's fine with it.
january 12th.cakeshop.8pm.$7

Monday, January 5, 2009

Best Records of '08!

I know, I know, you're all sick of these but I definitely feel like a lot of these records went unheralded and also who's more qualified to write music journalism than an untrained idiot with free reign to publish anything he/she wants on the internet!

Best Metal Record:
It's a tie!
Shrieker "Behead The Heads of State" and Ghriskanopf "Unfortunate Nightvisions"
It was impossible to choose between the amazingly authentic thrash throwback of Shrieker, and the super dark black metal of Ghriskanopf so I chose them both. 

Best Shrieker Track: "Let's Hear it For Beer!"
Best Ghriskanopf track: duh, the only one on the record "Noisesome Ash Crown" 35 minutes of pure hate!

Best Dance Record:
Jus Harland "It Feels So Real (Klaus VonStich Dirty Wax Mix)" 12"
It's been a while since the boys at Righteous Grooves have released such a perfect club track. While the original bangs- the vocal track brings it down a bit and that's why I chose VonStich's masterful remix.   

Best Hip Hop:
Boozie Wyde "Double Down Crew: Doin Thangs Mixtape Vol. 3"
Hands down the most consistent MC in the game, Boozie Wyde has flattened the competition again with Vol. 3 of Doin' Thangs.  With the Nevada hip-hop scene getting so much media attention it's hard to imagine that Boozie isn't next up to bat. 

Best Track: "It Ain't Never Nothing Ever" feat. Rebone, Fat Tig, and Juicy

Best Hardcore Record:
Bookcheck "If You Can Read This Than Fuck You" 7"
An anti-learning sXe band? You better believe it!  This 7" shreds from top to bottom.  It even includes a list of the only things you are allowed to read:
1. Hardcore Lyrics from '83 to '91
2. Schism Fanzine
3. Notes from Mother
4. Show Flyers
5. Lady Chatterly's Lover
Rumor has it that the bassist was caught reading in the bathroom before a show and was kicked out of Bookcheck only to start pro-learning band Thinktank. Can't wait!

Best Track : "Hey Freud, Fuck You!" tied with "You Think Your(sic) Better Than Me?"

Best Indie Record:
No such thing.

Best Reissue:
The Dirty Dingus MacGee Band "This is Dingus"
Members of Moby Grabe and Fat Urchin joined forces to make this amazing boogie rock record that came and went and is now, finally, coming again.  Intricate guitar work and precision drumming that you've come to expect from Rick Doubin and Co..  A must for rock fans!

Best Track: "Highway Lady (How the Breast Was Won)"

Feel free to put some of your fav's in the comments section!