THe Future Is Now

Order our record here:

www.violentbullshit.com

Look at shit here

violentbullshit.tumblr.com

Thanks-for-nothing Day!

This is a post-Thanksgiving show. No I'm not going to make any jokes about how you can get into the show if you bring some blankets infected with small pox, or that sitting politely while your racist Aunt talks about Puerto-Ricans (or if your Aunt is Puerto-Rican, Dominicans) has earned you a spot on our guest list. I'm not gonna go on and on about how my tryptophan dealer is the best in the city, or how no matter how long you brine a turkey it still tastes like shit. I'm not gonna do that. It's just a show. A post-pro-colonization holiday show. (Thanksgiving, or ThanksTAKING, am I right?) Whatever. It's over. Stop bitching about it, already. Pretty soon you can start making your crappy Christmas jokes. But until then COME HEAR SOME MUSIC!! VIOLENT BULLSHIT (we are super good and have cool merch!) WILD YAKS (we play with them all the time because they rule.) COLUMBOID (Who knows?? Maybe they're good. Give it A chance you dick!) All at the fantastic SAINT VITUS BAR @1120 Manhattan ave in Greenpoint! THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT SO COME OUT WITH YOUR WEIRD SWITCH FLIPPED AND LET'S DO THIS!!

Twats

So I just found out our band has a twitter acount! So sool, dudez! Lots of lolz and roflz and fartz! I'll be tweeting the latest celeb news (ex. "Martin Luther King was assassinated!" or "Just gave the Joker drugs! Hope he has fun!!). But it won't just be limited to lazy, offensive, jokes. I'll put in effort occasionally too. Honestly. It's impossible to please you animals, but I will try.

If you like topical humor, Cro-Mags jokes (decidedly not topical), and information about our band then follow us at @violentbullshit.

What Have You Blogged For Me Lately?

Oh, hello. You're looking well. Me? Well, obviously I'm doing awesome. By "I'm" I mean "we'm" and by "awesome" I mean "we haven't played a show or even talked to each other in a loooong time." So yeah, we're "awesome."

BUT GUESS WHAT? WE'RE BACK! (youth of today riff plays)

And by "back" I mean we have a new guitar player (Dan Mitha R.I.P.) named "Randy" Andy Reuland. He plays in another band you may have heard of called Les Savy Fav. Heard of 'em much? Huh? No? Way to listen, no-ears. They are supes fame (for the adults that means "Super famous"). He's old and angry which is all we really require for a Bullshit slot, but thankfully he also plays an instrument....very well. In fact, that almost disqualified him (Dan Mitha R.I.P.).

Also we have tye-dye violent bullshirts. They are amazing and mainly for adults with jobs or dads and moms that don't want to embarrass their children. But if you want want one too, fine.

Finally WE ARE PLAYING AN AMAZING COMEBACK SHOW!!

It's at Union Pool (duh.), and it's gonna be siiiiick (for adults that means "good" or "great").

March 25th w/Open Ocean and Bubbles. J Penry "curated" it (ew). He and I will also be spinning party jams after the show (kewl).

See you there or whatever.

It's like Lincoln v. Douglas, but totally stupid.

So after years of trying to describe this to friends-a genius at More Than A Witness digitized it and put it on his site. So the basic set-up is that Sam from Evac Records, Charles Maggio from Rorschach/Gern Blandstein, Sam and Adam from Born Against had a "debate" on the radio against Pete from SOIA and Steve from InEffect Records. What you get is a whole lot of hardcore hilarity.

Highlights are:

1. Born Against bringing notes and still not having an easy time articulating their issues beyond "the lyric sheets are censored."

2. A heated exchange about home taping. It's the free download of the 80's!

3. Finally everyone agrees that violence should not be a part of the scene right before Pete Koller punches someone in the face. Way to punch Pete! Just remember we can't punch our pain away, OK friend?

It's easy to be totally dismissive of Born Against here because they sound like babies who don't understand how words work, but they were young and idealistic about the genre. Their world was abcnorio and 'zines whereas SOIA and Agnostic Front were tired of getting in tons of hammer-fights and each had like a thousand kids or something. SOIA needs to feed their babies Born Against! Plus how is a kid from Missouri gonna know when clobberin' time is if they can't get the record at their local Coconuts? These are all tough questions that we has hardcore professionals still deal with everyday.

I don't know who Pete punched, but I hope it was Adam- he was soooo annoying, you guys.

Listen to it here:

http://www.mediafire.com/?nmgeizz0g5c

Also Make sure to check out More Than a Witness blog beacuse it is full of awesome stuff. I just downloaded a live B'LAST show that is super siiiiick.

J.J. Abrams - Rest In Peace

So Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger are dead (or was it J.K. Rowlings?- I hope not!)! A lot of cool JR. High school kids are crazy bummed right now and to be honest so are we. Harry Potter was a great book and so was "America : Get Over Yourself-The Unauthorized Biography" or whatever it was called where you find out that the Indians got fucked over and stuff. (Sorry Indians!)

Anyfart, I think both Mr. Zinn and Mr. Salinger would like Violent Bullshit and would want you to come to our show on Saturday. We all are borderline anarchists (except Byron-he's Jewish), and I once paid for a prostitute just to talk. Plus we've been practicing!

WILD YAKS
VIOLENT BULLSHIT
ILL EASE
@ Jim Bruar Falls

We play at 11:30 for reals! See you there!

PS. I know it's been like forevs (sorry so forevs) since I posted on this blog-but I'm back in a New Blog Groove or whatever ...

Crappy New Ears

Dan at his throne, White knees naked through threadbare jeans, Full of buttholes.

Beards gather, bandana'd, and

Byron, backed up, Bends and breaks his A string.

I looks down at my riff and mousse gets In my eyes.

Oh Jayson!, 21 again, “behind you!” with a Fixed-gear mic.

Where's Toshi? Oh, there's Toshi. He's found the sick Way to do it.

Lady and gentlemen, Violent Bullshit.

Guess Who?

People Don't Know What Nazi Means.

You're the red, white, and blue. The funny things you do-America, America, this is you!

What is up with people forgetting that everyone has access to the internet now? Many years ago your friend could tell you something like "You know the guy who played the Dad on Family Ties raped like 40 women." And, to be fair you'd probably be like "That might not be true, I wish there was some fast easy way to verify this fact, but there isn't so I guess we'll never know." Guess what dummies? We can all wiki Nazi's. The limits of of knowing you are dumb is just a click a way only burdened by a poor connection speed. Click. You are dumb.

Listen, I don't love Obama's health care plan, but I also don't hate it....I know I'm slipping. It's fine-ish, and won't pass anyway, so who give s a fudge. I also think Barney Frank is a bit of a turd, but seriously girl who printed a picture of Obama out on her HP Laserjet (she has a computer!) and then drew a Hitler mustache on it....give us all a huge break. Puhleeeze. That picture is like the 9/11 of Hitler pictures (See, I did what she did!) Plus what are her politics? She really did skewer him by having no point of view but just using the word "Nazi." What does that mean? You think the program is Socialist? Um, OK, it's definitely not, but whatevs...do you think that deep down Obama is Anti-communist and that it will allow people who don't have America's best interest at heart to get health care thereby weakening the country? Oh, you didn't really think about it? That's weird, you seemed so prepared to debate If you did believe that you would be a really bad person-just letting you know. Oh also George W. Bush wasn't a Nazi either...his grandfather was, he was just dumb.

I Am Partially Responsible For This.

At my good friend Lauren's birthday party last year I spent some time with the above gentleman who told me of his upcoming appearance on Jeopardy and his desire to write his name in the shape of a penis but was having little to no luck in the design.  My reply was, "Oh you are in good hands my friend as I have a very keen ability to turn almost anything into a penis."  And turn it I did.  My bar napkin sketch made it on national TV and prouder I could not be.  Guess what folks, he took this concept and ran with it.  He basically became a professor of amazing hilarity at Super Funny University when he was announced  as a "self proclaimed gadabout" wore an ascot and kept winking at the camera.  Genius, thy name is John Munson.   God truly don't make no junk.  Watch some highlights here and the whole episode here.

If you want a word turned into a penis come out to the free show tonight at Glasslands and I'll be happy to oblige.  

p.s. John once told me he went to a Great Gatsby themed party (no surprise there) and was served drinks on the back of a sea turtle (surprise).  Moral is...the rich are better than us.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

Ok you guys, I know what you're going to say.  It's been a long time since I blogged and rolled or whatever but listen I can't force magic to happen.  Magic is as magic does and so on and so forth.  I just try and capture that magic in a bottle and then drink it down and let it pour through my fingers for my loyal fans.   The thing is Magic doesn't come around as much anymore and when he does he usually just needs money.  These are tough times for everybody so don't judge Magic too harshly, plus he has AIDS. BOOM! Nailed it! Ugh...see what I mean? This blogging thing just isn't working out for me lately.

Here's what's been happening.  We've played a few shows that have been fairly demoralizing.  For example we played for free at the really lovely Music Hall of Williamsburg with our good buds Love as Laughter.  As you can see above they misspelled our name on the marquee to make us sound homophobic or like a shitty 90's band (same thing) and then pointed to the sign below and sent us around the back (although Dils didn't see the sign and went through he front door making him basically the Rosa Parks of hippies.)  This whole event sent the entire band into a deep drug bender shame spiral which lasted through the entire week to our next show at the decidedly unlovely Don Pedro's where we truly fell apart and Dan Mitha went missing for 3 days.  We finally found him passed out in front of an abandoned Wu- Wear store in Staten Island.  The whole thing was a mess...we need to regroup people and regroup we will!

We are getting back on the excellence horse this Thursday with forever buds Children at Glasslands for FREE!  Colt 45 you fucking idiots. 

WED AUG 10TH!

LULLABY ARKESTRA

CHILDREN

VIOLENT BULLSHIT

Free entry and free delicious and culturally responsible Colt .45!  I'll bet the CEO of Colt 45 curated this line up himself.  I think is name is Terrible P. Murder. RSVP here!

Violent Bullbrunch

In the spirit of the classic hardcore matinees we will be playing too early on Sunday with a ton of other bands. The difference between this show and an abcnorio show is that the bathrooms are pretty clean, you can definitely drink, and homophobia and racism are encouraged. Well not encouraged, but you know what I mean. Like don't do that stuff but I'm not gonna tell you to not do it, get it? Free will etc, etc.? Sheesh anarchy has sooo many rules. Who knew?

HARDCORE HANGOVER MATINEE BRUNCH 
with:
VIOLENT BULLSHIT
BATTLETORN
RED DAWN II
BROCCOLI DESTROYER
WHOARFROST
BEEHIVE FUCKER
GROCERY THIEF
2PM

Bloody Mary's! Bloody Pits! Put an egg on on lunch food! IT"S BRUUUUNCH!!!

Get the Greeniston

Our show at Death By Chocolate with Children and Bison was reviewed in the WG Arts and Farts Magazine.  Prestigious I know, but the real news is that my hair was compared (in quality-not cut) to Jennifer Brangelinston.  Above I posted a recent photo of me for you to compare...I just don't see it.

Read about it here.  

I don't know who you are Phillipe but consider yourself on "The Shitlist" (which is a good thing-like permanent guest list for buddies, but since we have "shit" in our name I just thought it was clever if...aww forget it.)

What Me Post-y?

"So where have you been?" you might be asking.  "You type a crazy rant about Joe Rogan and then disappear for a month? How does that make us feel, as loyal and avid readers of this blarg?"

Well, first of all it's spelled "blog" though it is pronounced "blarg."  Second-well there is no second.  I just didn't feel like it ok?  I had my birthday, and you only turn 21 once so there has been lots o' celebrating.  We played some shows with some pretty sweet bands and we were totally awesome.  Also we are saving up our wisecracks for the FEAR show next week.  Oh brother is that ever gonna be ridiculous.  I know saying that we are excited to play with FEAR basically a headline of "No Shit Magazine," but oh my blog you guys -it's sooo awesome!  

Anyway, sorry so short.  We miss you too and we're sorry for sending you text messages at 3:30 am that say "u still out?"   We're working on that.

Love,

Violent Bullshit

KRS-1 : Loves Jesus, Hates Burger King

Ok, Infowars listen up.  I agree with your basic mission statement about Barack sucking, and how he is not capable of any real change because he doesn't wield any real power.  I'm not a baby, I understand how that shit works.  Basically the same as Bush? Sure he is.  In the pocket of big finance? Yup.  Fine, I'm basically on your team, crazy "documentary," but I need some convincing from people who are smarter then me.  Who ya got for me to really drive your theory home?  Oh, just a little guy we like to call Joe Rogan.  No big deal.  Yeah you know, that shitty comedian that made people eat balls on Fear Factor and promotes Axe Bodyspray to d-bags on Ultimate Fighter?  Political pundit is just on of the many hats many hats Joe Rogan wears.  Not only do you ask Joe fucking Rogan anything (already dubious) you put a soundbyte from him in THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF YOUR MOVIE!!   Whaaa? No one on this project thought that was a bad idea?  Fuck it guys, let's stick Joe "voice of a generation" Rogan right up front.   "But boss we have a really great clip of  Zizek..."  Nope sorry no time.

Then after telling us over and over again about how the President wields no power they dare to tell us who would be better in a puppet position.  Kusinich? Ron Paul?  Are you fucking kidding me??  JFK was the last "real" president?  Fuck right off you crazy retard.  I think the last real President was Martin Van Buren.  Oh wait, does that sound stupid?  That's because it IS stupid.  Spoiler alert infowars EVERY PRESIDENT SUCKS.  Liking the president is like being super in love with the police, or saying the Beatles were sucky at making music or hating fun.  It makes you an unreliable dick.  At least Loose Change was scary and insane, not just boring dads talking about how money rules the world.  Wait Whaaat? Really?  Faaaaaart.  

But seriously... Joe Rogan? Come on. 

Good Advice

Body Butter

What did you say? You missed our free show at Cake Shop? You dummy. Fine, we'll play again so you can see us be awesome. It will be closer to your apartment, but this time it ain't gonna be free (sorry Fugazi). Bullshit giveth and Bullshit taketh away. 

Get ready cause we are gonna be really good. I mean REALLY good.

March 5th @ The Charleston
VIOLENT BULLSHIT (epic dudez)
DESERTER (CD release-more like CDeez nutz release)
COP CITY (starring Sly Stallone)
CHILL PILLARS (clever)
KABUKI IRON KOLORS (name too long-or perfect length if they let us borrow gear)

Don't come if you're a bummer or ride a bike with no brakes.

We Are Good

The show was fun.  Can you tell?  I mean these photos don't make it totally clear, but believe me when I tell you-we were sick.  So sick in fact we made $40 bucks! And got 2 free drinks!!  Momma, your baby boy has finally made it.  

We debuted some new material : "Hey, Seattle Fuck Off," "Read and Write," and "My Band Just Doesn't Understand Me."  All A+ except Seattle gets an A- cause some girl punched me and I couldn't sing for a second.  Sheesh.  Women.  Am I right guys?

Midnite Till Death put a lot of effort into making this a fun night.  They projected scenes from "Street Trash" and "Deadbeat At Dawn"-awesome...They also DJ'ed and threw T-shirts at people. Basically, if you missed this - ya blew it.  We love you, but you blew it.    

Heywood Jablome

Me so sorry I haven't posted in a while.  Things have been crazy.  I just found out a black dude is President! Wait whaaaaaaat?  It's true!  And Brett Michaels is really narrowing the field on "Rock of Love : Bang Bus."  Hey Brett is you're reading this, I like the one with all the horrifying plastic surgery.  

Soooo, to catch you up on me, Metallica was amazing, Comicon 09 was good (except the girl dressed as sexy Predator-ew), and we have a show coming up!  And this time it's gonna be good! 

VIOLENT BULLSHIT

w/

CEREBRAL BALLZY

K-HOLES

JADEWALKERS

Friday Feb. 20th at Cakeshop (152 Ludlow)

There's gonna be DJ's and preojections and its FREE!  Up yours Fugazi!

Mytallica

So, next Saturday I am going to see Metallica with some serious old buddies (oh did I mention-FRONT ROW SEATS).  Anyfart, I am pretty fucking excited about it-and apparently so is my freind Eric that I'm going with.  Here's an email I got today...

all right gentlemen… one week to go!

 

Here’s the plan: meet at Garlock’s at 12pm next Saturday (Jan 31^st).

 

What to bring: cash, photo ID, warm clothes, a head that’s ready to bang and a liver that’s ready to be punished. I’ll have assorted beers and goodies as usual… if you have a METALLICA favorite that you want to help break your cherry with, bring it!

 

…and around 9:25pm I’ll be able to say to all to you guys: “ehhh… you broke your cherry!!!”

A-MAY-ZING.  This email did everything it was supposed to do. It was informative and got me super pumped. "bring... a head that's ready to bang and a liver that ready to be punished."  What is he? Shakespeare?  Actually fuck you Shakespeare, that sentence rules harder than anything in "Cymbaline."  (Which I performed...in a park.  So I should know).  Expect a full, detailed update post show.  I'm about to become "Unforgiven 4."